about me
Annyeong minna!
I want to give you some info about me... Dates, interresting things...
CW: 57 kg
GW: 52 kg
UGW: 45 kg
height: 168 cm
I'm female, 19 years old and started studying for teacher a year ago. I am anorexic since january, but I've been struggling to keep on, because I'm very sensitive to stress and pressure. I gained 5 kilos during my month of struggling, even after I just lost these five kilos! Now, I'm back on track! Taking slow and steady, reaching my goal one day.
I'm not pretty thin built, I just have a small waist because my chest is so small at the bottom, I'm therefore very curvy. I appear thin, or well built and not fat (my boyfriend and my best friend always tell me that I'm beautyful and skinny) but my small waist just gives you the impression of a thin girl. The thruth is, that I'm awfully fat.
What else? Hmmm... I'm not very sportive. I hate doing sport since I was 13. The bullying gave me serious insecurities, and even though I grew stronger, I still can't beat my insecuritie about sports. i simply hate doing sports while others are next to me or in the same room. Everything I can do, is small workouts you can do at home.
My reasons for Ana are pretty simple. I just don't feel well in my body, as feminine as it it. I identify as genderless, I enjoy wearing things I bought from the male section, and I see people as humans, I don't distinguish between men and women and that's how I want to be treated. Sometimes I like to dress up and show off my feminine body, but most of the time I wear oversized shirts and pullover and skinny yeans.
Another reason would be my appearance. I don't think I'm ugly or disgusting, but it seems that noone wants go get to know me, or talk to me. I'm very open and talkative since I moved out, but if I'm talking with some stranger, it's me who's talking. I think a fragile appearance will help me get to know people. Skinny girls get all the friends I don't have.
Oh yeah, and my boyfriend. He's madly in love with me and wants to built a future with me, have kids, marry... And I don't want kids since I was nine years old! For almost ten years, having no kids was the most important thing in my life to accomplish (since having kids would admit that I was female!). Being skinny will slow down everything and maybe I end up sterile. I want to shatter his dreams. He likes me body very much, and it kind of offends me, but I don't tell him, because he's a stubborn prick. I want to take that precious body from him. I want to be who I truly am, not the woman he wants me to be.
I almost forgot another reason... I am not healed. I still want to end my life, and I thought about nice methods. Since guns and poisons are forbidden in germany and very hard to get, cutting my arteries should be a safe method. But I don't want to die just like that. I want people to recognise my state, and give them a chance to help and be nice to me. I always said suicide is egoistic, but I am, and I don't care. So taking pills and cutting my arteries will kill me, and if I'm skinny, it will make everything perfect.
I want to give you some info about me... Dates, interresting things...
CW: 57 kg
GW: 52 kg
UGW: 45 kg
height: 168 cm
I'm female, 19 years old and started studying for teacher a year ago. I am anorexic since january, but I've been struggling to keep on, because I'm very sensitive to stress and pressure. I gained 5 kilos during my month of struggling, even after I just lost these five kilos! Now, I'm back on track! Taking slow and steady, reaching my goal one day.
I'm not pretty thin built, I just have a small waist because my chest is so small at the bottom, I'm therefore very curvy. I appear thin, or well built and not fat (my boyfriend and my best friend always tell me that I'm beautyful and skinny) but my small waist just gives you the impression of a thin girl. The thruth is, that I'm awfully fat.
What else? Hmmm... I'm not very sportive. I hate doing sport since I was 13. The bullying gave me serious insecurities, and even though I grew stronger, I still can't beat my insecuritie about sports. i simply hate doing sports while others are next to me or in the same room. Everything I can do, is small workouts you can do at home.
My reasons for Ana are pretty simple. I just don't feel well in my body, as feminine as it it. I identify as genderless, I enjoy wearing things I bought from the male section, and I see people as humans, I don't distinguish between men and women and that's how I want to be treated. Sometimes I like to dress up and show off my feminine body, but most of the time I wear oversized shirts and pullover and skinny yeans.
Another reason would be my appearance. I don't think I'm ugly or disgusting, but it seems that noone wants go get to know me, or talk to me. I'm very open and talkative since I moved out, but if I'm talking with some stranger, it's me who's talking. I think a fragile appearance will help me get to know people. Skinny girls get all the friends I don't have.
Oh yeah, and my boyfriend. He's madly in love with me and wants to built a future with me, have kids, marry... And I don't want kids since I was nine years old! For almost ten years, having no kids was the most important thing in my life to accomplish (since having kids would admit that I was female!). Being skinny will slow down everything and maybe I end up sterile. I want to shatter his dreams. He likes me body very much, and it kind of offends me, but I don't tell him, because he's a stubborn prick. I want to take that precious body from him. I want to be who I truly am, not the woman he wants me to be.
I almost forgot another reason... I am not healed. I still want to end my life, and I thought about nice methods. Since guns and poisons are forbidden in germany and very hard to get, cutting my arteries should be a safe method. But I don't want to die just like that. I want people to recognise my state, and give them a chance to help and be nice to me. I always said suicide is egoistic, but I am, and I don't care. So taking pills and cutting my arteries will kill me, and if I'm skinny, it will make everything perfect.
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