The journey to my end - Pro Ana and self harm blog

I am obsessed with a thigh gap! You know who real Thinspo is? Lisa, of BlackPink. I really want her body *-* FYI sh's 167 cm tall and weights 46 kg

24.10 I had two portions of tomato soup, worth 140 kcal. I burned 300 kcal this afternoon. I'm freezing, drinking water and watching triggering movies and documentaries. I only had 2 litres of water. I feel miserable. Maybe apple cider vinegar will do it... 25.10 I' trying fasting today, and I really want to hit 55 kilos until friday. I realized, that I don't eat out of boredom. I used not to eat at day, and eat sweets in the evening because I'm so hungry. I can beat it, by drinking water and green tea when I feel hungry. I know I can loose that one kilo until the day after tomorrow.  As long as I keep up. I was doing another 300 kcal "Silent Workout" at afternoon, just as I reached the last bit, 75 squats, I felt so dizzy after standing up after the 200 leg lifts. I was shoked, since I felt dizzy the last time in may. While watching Supersize vs. Superskinny, I topped with another 300 kcal workout, still haven't eaten yet. My legs are quite shaking,...

Short background and history of my journey up to today My parents divorced when I was 4. I loved my father and it broke my heart to loose him at that age. During my childhood I constantly lacked a father figure, and the new boyfriend of my mother was a bad substitute. Loosing my father was the reason I was shy and weak. I was bullied when I got 12. My new classmates hated me because I read a lot, and I was a bit shy. I endured it two years, untill it resolved into a major breakdown. During these years I wished to dissapear. All I wanted was to vanish. My mother just gave birth to her second child in four years and my parents mostly cared for them. My younger sisters made a lot of work, and I didn't wanted to burden my parents with my problems. I called my mother when I lost it, and she took me off the school after I told her, I couldn't endure it anymore. At my new school were only girls and I finally found friends. Those girls showed me Manga, Star Wars and Mu...