A brief history of glassmind's life

Short background and history of my journey up to today

My parents divorced when I was 4. I loved my father and it broke my heart to loose him at that age. During my childhood I constantly lacked a father figure, and the new boyfriend of my mother was a bad substitute. Loosing my father was the reason I was shy and weak. I was bullied when I got 12. My new classmates hated me because I read a lot, and I was a bit shy. I endured it two years, untill it resolved into a major breakdown. During these years I wished to dissapear. All I wanted was to vanish. My mother just gave birth to her second child in four years and my parents mostly cared for them. My younger sisters made a lot of work, and I didn't wanted to burden my parents with my problems. I called my mother when I lost it, and she took me off the school after I told her, I couldn't endure it anymore. At my new school were only girls and I finally found friends. Those girls showed me Manga, Star Wars and Music. I listened to metal, punk rock and changed my style. I really looked weird in that punk rock metal style :D My sisters got older and my mother finally noticed that my psychological state even worsened since I changed schools. By that time, I thought about killing myself. I wrote dark poems, told my girlfriend about my self loathing hate and cried a lot. It got very hard, after she broke up with me. After all, I was only 16 years old. My next boyfriend helped me out of my suicidal phase but it ended, and I started cutting. I started watching anime, and locked me up in my room. I just hated myself. I cut myself because of all that hate for myself and my life. My mental state helped me form a strong friendship with a girl of my rather small amount of friends. After we finished school at the age of 18, I was in a relationship and she almost finished therapy. She told all our friends how she suffered from anorexia the past years and how she almost beat it. That was when I got interested in Ana. I started studying in a nearby town but struggled to fit in. Half a year after we finished school, I got 19 and at New Year's I promised to loose weight. I started at 56 Kilos, and two months later I weighted 53 kilos. A month later it was 52. But then I moved into the town where my University was and I had to study, so I gained 2 kilos. Summer came and I spended a lot of time at home. Now, when the new semester started, I am at 57 kilos. Now I hope to loose it all again. My blog should help me :) It will be hard, since I see my boyfriend every weekend... and I love food